Worldview Shapers

My life and worldview have both been deeply shaped by the environment I was born into. Yet, grace sought me while I was running in the opposite direction, and through God’s word, transformed them both and also influenced my heart for ministry. Here are a few verses I cling to tightly for the various reasons listed below: 
 
P S A L M 1 1 5 : 3
“Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases.” (ESV) 

The very reality of God’s complete and total rule and reign over everything in all of creation has rocked me. He not only created it all, but He has the right to do with His creation as He pleases. He is in control. I am not. Because I trust in a sovereign God, who rules all and does as He pleases, nothing in my life can be or ever will be accidental or meaningless. What pleases Him comes to pass with or without me. This verse taught me God’s infiniteness and my finiteness. 
 
J O B 4 2 : 2
“I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” (ESV) 
This verse has carried me through parent’s drug addictions, relapses, being one of the only Christian’s in a Muslim region of the Middle East, hospitalizations and hopelessness. This verse alone displays deep truths: God is omnipotent. Nothing is impossible for Him. He is sovereign. He has a purpose for all things and no one can thwart those purposes. I can trust that God can and will complete His plan for me, and no one can stop Him from doing so, not even me. No, not even me! 
 
R O M A N S 8 : 2 4-2 5
“Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes in what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” (ESV)

Soon after becoming a Christian, trials came quickly. Never was there a silver lining, I felt. Never was there a pause, a break, a selah. Waves crashed constantly, never letting up. There was nothing or no one earthly I could place my hope in or set my hope upon. Yet God, in His kindness, led me to this verse suited for my hope seeking heart. “Hope that is seen is not hope anyway, Gina!” Hope belongs in an object/person that can not disappoint. That excludes anyone earthly. If I place my hope in Jesus (unseen), and His return, I find peace and the ability to wait for Him with patience, knowing that hope placed in Him does NOT disappoint (Romans 5:5). 
 
R O M A N S 8 : 2 8 
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (ESV) 

God has caused me to love Him. When the deepest of trials come, this verse gives me rest. God has promised in this verse that for those who love Him, He will cause all things to work together for their good! He somehow can wield the sword of suffering into the softest of Van Gough’s paint brushes. The believer has the promise that even the most difficult trails will benefit them. This is gold. 
 
And lastly, 
C O L O S S I A N S 4 : 1 7 
“And say to Archippus, “See that you fulfill the ministry that you have received in the Lord.” (ESV)

Paul, at the end of his letter to the Colossians, singles out this pastor who commentators say was discouraged in his ministry. Paul, through the Holy Spirit, instructs the church (recipients of the letter) to encourage him, to exhort him, to push him to “fulfill the ministry” he received in the Lord. Commentators go on to say that encouragement from the congregation themselves would have been the only means of his restoration to continue. Not only has this verse challenged me to introspect, but it has also shown me the importance of encouragement. It has challenged me to desire to be able to stand before the Lord one day and say boldly, “I have fulfilled the ministry you have given me, Lord.” It has also challenged me to continuously be an infuser of encouragement to others; a modern day Barnabas within whatever ministry the Lord takes me. 

Bungee Jumping

I’ve never actually seen the Grand Canyon… but I’ve seen pictures.

I’ve never actually felt miniscule beneath the Aurora borealis… but I’ve seen videos of people feeling that way.

I’ve never actually Bungee jumped… but I would liken that …to falling in love.

Standing on a platform…

Toes hanging over the cliff of safety and absolute danger…

Being held up by the harness of trust.

Great God,

I fear that I will never feel those butterflies.

Never have to squint my eyes to avoid the wind from piercing them because I’m falling…

Never gasp for a breath of air because I’ve lost mine over the words he’s said…

Like the genuineness of his “I love you’s”,

The humility of his compliments,

The tenderness of his hands struggling to fit between the gaps of my small fingers.

Because my fingers…

Are still gripping this railing…

I’m still standing…

On this platform.

Behind those warning signs…

The ones that list the age limit,

Time restrictions, height requirements and health hazards….

This is far more dangerous than climbing The Andes,

More terrifying than airplanes flying through a hurricane!

On this platform I stand because it is SAFE.

But what if…

The helmet works…

The cord never snaps…

The harness stays secure…

And I actually… fall in love…

I guess … I would have to find someone worth jumping for.

To the Broken Valentine

A year ago tomorrow, I said “yes” to an engagement to one of the best friends I’ve ever had in my life. If tomorrow comes and you look at my ring finger, the only difference between myself and Motel 6 is that this type of vacancy requires no neon light to advise the public.

This is for you, Miss downcast. And for you as well, Mr. Lonely. Although tomorrow you may be spending your Valentine’s day in a far different way than you may have expected, just as I will be, I’d like to take this time to gently grab hold of your hand, and give you a hug full of truth in these next couple sentences.

My intention: to help you weaken your focus on yourself.
My Goal: to guide you gently by lifting your head through scripture, to fix your gaze upon Jesus.

2014 was one of the roughest years of my life. And I know, by hearing some of your own stories, that you too were given free front row seats on the struggle bus. I’d like to step foot into those “big sister shoes” for a moment and remind you that it was not all in vain. Though Valentine’s Day may mean roses and chocolate boxes for some, there’s a large population of us, who if we’re honest with ourselves, have refused “liking” Facebook statuses containing pictures of what their loved ones showered them with at their job, scrolled quickly through Instagram and refused a “double-tap” to lovers engulfed in each other’s arms. Don’t worry, I fall victim to this too. But let me help you notice sweet friend, that this leads to a much deeper root. What may seem like subtle tendencies controlled by your fingertips, accompanied by an occasional eye-roll, sheds light to what’s really happening deep down in our hearts. I’m about to drop the big B word…yes. You guessed it!

BITTERNESS.
(A noun) It’s usually defined as: anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly; resentment.

But the Bible takes it to another level… A heart level.

The writer of Hebrews gives us warning by saying –
“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;” (Heb12:15)

Did you catch that? According to this verse, bitterness acts as a type of Cornerback football player, intercepting you from receiving grace from God. Not only this, but its infecting character spreads like a virus causing trouble and defiles many.

What may seem like a swipe, scroll or eye-roll could possibly be symptoms of a real condition… One with a root and one that requires repentance, not pity (1 Jn 1:9).

But don’t be dismayed. Though our hearts are laden with sin, and are privy to forming roots of bitterness, know that His grace overpowers your strongest sin, goes deeper than the deepest root, and overflows for the Believer in some ways described below:

“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight..” Ephesians 1:7-8

And when you fall short even more, he continues to lavish you with grace:

“so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” Ephesians 2:7

Maybe you’re reading this and you aren’t struggling with bitterness, but your heart seems ravaged by pain… Know this:
“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalms 34:18

“a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice.” Isaiah 42:3

God is faithful.
His promises are true, and if your Valentine’s Day isn’t how you expected it to be, find rest in God’s sovereign, perfect rule and reign over your life. His wisdom is described as MANIFOLD (Eph 3:10). He knows exactly what you need in order to look more like His Son, and everything you’re going through is a part of that plan. Remember that He withholds no good thing from those who walk uprightly (Ps.84:11). A good thing at the wrong time isn’t a good thing. Trust Him (Ps.37:5).

And in the famous words of John Newton, “Everything is needful that He sends, nothing can be needful that He withholds.”

Broken, hurt, bitter Believer, you have been lavished with love so that you can do so in return. And if your Valentines day is not spent with a significant other, may you be found by your friends who do have a Valentine, as John the Baptist was found… The Bridegroom’s friend, rejoicing that the Bride was coming to Him (Jn 3:29).

Mr. Intentional

All their talk is seasoned to perfection.

The Brevity of Life

“Yeah. You’re right… today is a good day… I’m walking.”

The words softly slipped through her thin lips as she slowly placed one foot in front of the other, hunched over with all of her weight being upheld by her walker. The neon green tennis balls kept the noise at a minimum, yet her words left an echo resounding through the corridors of my mind for the remainder of that afternoon. Her grin imprinted upon my memory.

I’ve worked at Moffitt Cancer Center for about 3 years now, however my previous position only allowed for me to interact with patients as far as the telephone would allow for relationships to grow. In God’s sovereign timing, and providence, He’s recently provided for my desire to interact more closely with patients, to come to fruition. I am now an Infusion Center Scheduler. Basically, I schedule cancer patients for their chemo therapy.

You may be wondering where this is going. The point is close…maybe even closer than most of us want to admit.

Today was my third day of training in the Infusion Center and as every 60 minutes that the sun moved to mark another hour, I had been given front row seats to every human being’s fear (to some extent), every person’s destination, and most soberingly enough, every person’s favorite avoidance: The Brevity of Life (death).

I recently heard an employee at Moffitt describe these cancer patients as, “some of the most thankful and appreciative patients” they’ve ever come across in health care. And after pondering this thought for a moment, it dawned on me that they argumentatively enough, may very well be.
After you’re told that you have a very rare form of Pancreatic Cancer (which is already a type of cancer that hardly anyone survives), it’s not long before you begin to savor every second you get to hold your wife’s hand, every opportunity you receive to behold a sunset, or even every moment that laughter overtakes your lungs and makes you gasp for air. When the effects of sin begin to be more painfully visible, the Lord grants us flashes of reality; He shows us just how much of a vapor we truly are.

David, in Psalm 39:4-6 asked the LORD,

“…make me to know my end
And what is the extent of my days;
Let me know how transient I am.
Behold, You have made my days as 
handbreadths, 
And my lifetime as nothing in Your sight;
Surely every man at his best is a phantom;
Surely they make an uproar for nothing; 
He amasses riches and does not know
who will gather them.” (NASB)

David asked that the LORD would help him to know his end, the extent of his days, just how transient he truly was.
Yet, he measures the length of his life with the smallest popular measuring unit of ancient times, four fingers (a handbreadth). He passionately pours out his cries before the LORD expressing how, “surely every man at his best is a mere breath (v.6 a phantom).” It’s interesting to me that even though David seemed to have such a seemingly good grip and realistic view of the brevity of life, he still asked that the LORD would make him know these things. Which leads me to presume that even though each day is quickly fleeting, even though we encounter life threatening situations, or may very well be on our last attempted treatment of chemo therapy that possibly exists to save our lives, we forget just how fragile we are, we’re still duped into the mirage that tomorrow is right around the corner, and that somehow we’re invincible.

The Truth: We’re not.

“For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust.
As for man, his days are like grass;
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
and its’ place knows it no more.”
(Ps.103:14-16 ESV)

“for you are dust,
and to dust you shall return.”
(Gen.3:19b ESV)

“…it is appointed for man to die once,
and after that comes judgement.”
(Heb.9:27 ESV)

“What is your life?
For you are a mist that appears for a
little time and then vanishes.”
(James 4:14b ESV)

As some may come with smiles on their faces, white wristbands containing their Medical Record number, Date of Birth, Primary Doctor, and check in time around their wrists… I am reminded as each patient reclines in their chair before me, just how quickly fleeting my existence on this planet truly is. And as my smile stimulates the muscles in their mouth to do the same, their thankfulness for every second they’re breathing causes me to reflect upon the brevity of my own life; the measure of my days. You don’t have to be a cancer patient to be thankful you’re alive. 

Picture above:
Diane Nayrocker – A sister and friend.

“This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” 
(Ps.118:24 ESV)

Tell her… (A Poem for Coco)

When my Savior takes me home, please remind her of the Truth.

That He chose her before the foundation of the world,
knows her name and every tear drop she’s ever cried too.

Please remind her of His sovereignty.
And how she was only 6 years old when the gospel, to her tiny ears came wandering.

Please don’t forget to remind her of her justification.
And how even when she fails perfect Jesus, He lived perfectly for all of her misbehavings.

She might smile when you remind her of grace.
She once questioned why she wasn’t the one living homeless, on the streets, and what it’d be like if she were in their place.

Oh! Please remind her of her “righteousin” and even though she always mis-pronounced it,
it’s been imputed to her and will remain to the end.

Please stir up her affections for Jesus.
Preach to her the gospel. She’ll want to tell it to others,
in hopes that they too will believe it.

Remind her of the lesson she learned about Paul.
And how he was unashamed of the gospel,
How he didn’t back down at all!

Remind her of her dreams!
How she wanted to preach the gospel in illegal countries
because they aren’t allowed to believe it and be free!

Remind her that no matter what, she must trust Him.
That even though the storms may rage,
Jesus calmed the waves, not one gust of wind was buckin’.

And if she should ask about me…
Please point to her drooping hands.
Remind her that I’m praising Him,
face to face with great joy, accompanied by the largest band!

And if she grows sad that I am no longer here to teach her,
Remind her that the Holy Spirit she’s been promised,
will help and guide her, the PERFECT Teacher.

And when it’s your time to tell her goodbye,
remind her that it’s been promised,
that she too will worship Jesus one day,
right by my side.

When Left Feels So Right

You speak boldly with a gentle, yet firm tone,

And though I hear you, I don’t listen.

Turning around so that I wouldn’t have to face reality.

As if what’s in front of me is far better than what I just turned away from.

With each step away from you I become more and more numb,

Suppressing the truth that you even know my heart and its inconsistencies without the necessity of closeness.

Though this distance hurts with each step, I keep walking,

Placing my hope in my performance to run further,

Ignoring your gentle calls to return with fervor.

I begin to hear the lies now.

Surprised when plugging my ears doesn’t stop the words from seeping between my fingers.

I’m met with drops of rain, falling from dark clouds.

I’ve walked into a storm,

Created by my own indecisiveness,

Painted dark with my own despair,

Thundering loud with my own angry thoughts,

Flashing bright with lightning bolts of rage.

Yet, this storm, who can change?

I shake my head with doubt.

Minimizing your power to draw me out.

As if all the other thousands of times never existed.

This time is different.

Convincing myself becomes my alibi.

Getting dry is met with “better” thoughts of how “sweet” it feels to be soaked.

Until I see you.

I was convinced that you remained in the dust trail left by my feet.

Walking slowly with pierced hands extended, you approach me.

You are abundant in steadfast love.

Even in my wanderings.

Even when left feels so right.

“Smell it/ Fear seepin’ through my pores/ second guessin’ He said it.” -Json

Xoshem Ewet: I Love You

If I say, “Xoshem ewet” would you hear me?

Or if I say “Isa awatti minna” would you understand that He is the only hope within me?

 

I miss your smells…

 

From your fresh baked nan

To rotting meat hanging in shops as I walked through your Bazaars.

 

I miss your colorful fruit stands,

Your pesky flies, your men dressed in over-sized pants,

Your Princess Jasmine dresses…

 

Your “Cha” at every hour,

Your taxis with its driver’s summer fragrance,

Your calls to prayer I have even surprisingly missed…because they served as a constant reminder of where I was.

 

I miss your heat.

The moment the Sun “turned on” I couldn’t help but to await your Sunsets.

Your music, and the way my shoulders learned to dance on their own.

Your children and their piercing eyes, and even deeper, piercing questions.

 

O Kurdistan!

How I miss your families,

Your culture,

Thick with smiles,

Laden with laughter,

Smothered in kindness…

 

How I miss your joy.

How I long to show you where I’ve found an eternities’ worth.

The Proposal

 

Foreword

Before your mind begins to race about where this is headed, I want to first say that I’m not engaged. I also would like to point out the passion that’s seen in this picture. As long as I looked for the perfect picture for this blog, I came across this one, was hesitant because of the passion, but then thought again… and said, “Nah….this… this is perfect!”  I pray that the Lord would use this next post to encourage you, as the thoughts that will be spilled here encouraged me immensely.

Yesterday evening I had the opportunity to watch one of the most beautiful marriage proposal’s ever. Of course it would be done by one of the most awesome brothers I know, Kevin Dunn (proposing to his beautiful WIFE -now- Diana Dunn). You can watch it here if you’d like: http://righthandfilms.com/#portfolio=99

After watching the next page (literally) turn in both of their books of life, I couldn’t help but be reminded of their wedding that I had the blessing of witnessing last weekend! Their union displayed and exalted Christ throughout the entire night.

However, after all of the sparklers went out, after they rode off to their home together, after the union of their flesh, I knew how their lives would be used as instruments to display the glory of the gospel through their marriage (Eph.5), but I began to wonder about how the gospel fit into their relationship before marriage. How was the gospel displayed in Kevin’s proposal to Diana? How is the gospel displayed in ANY man’s proposal to the woman he pursues. I’d like to share a few thoughts on how I believe the gospel is displayed through this beautiful time before a man and a woman are engaged.

My First Thought

At first thought I said to myself, “The gospel isn’t displayed through the man’s proposal at all! The woman has the choice to say yes or no to him. If anything, the proposal would display Armenianism, not sovereign election!”  But the Holy Spirit slowed me down, and began to show me some things I’d never really thought of before.

The Pursuit

The biggest aspect of the entire unity between a man and a woman (through marriage) that I had been glossing over the entire time, was the moment that the man pursues her. Though she be filled with countless flaws, ravaged by countless mistakes, maybe even towards him, he still resolves to pursue her. Throughout his relentless pursuit of her, asking questions to get to her heart, studying her ways, wooing her to himself…she is drawn in, captivated, and her heart is softened toward him so much so, that if he were to get on his knee, she would say, “Yes!” even before a word could come out of his mouth!

Beloved, THAT IS THE GOSPEL!! We all (Rom.3:23), being dead in our trespasses and sins do not seek God (Rom.3:10-18), there is nothing in us that would make us attractive to Him at all, or make Him desire to come and commune with us or pursue us!  In fact, what we really deserve is the total opposite of communion with this Holy God (Rom.6:23), that being eternal separation from Him – Hell. But God being RICH IN MERCY, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (Eph.2:4) (Rom.5:8)! Do you see His pursuit of you?

Okay, so maybe it’s not difficult for you to see how God pursues us in Christ even in our sins and how that parallels the man’s pursuit of his lover. However, just as I stated before, this next aspect of the pursuit is where I had it all wrong, and where the Holy Spirit showed me that, here too, does the gospel gleam with brightness!

“Absolutely, Yes!” 

I want to make it clear that the woman does have a choice in the matter, however, you will see how even her choice has been effected.

The moment the man decides to pursue the woman, her heart is either hardened towards him, or softened towards him. She observes his pursuit of her, his desire to truly know her, and his attempts at wooing her. All of this, will either draw her to desire him deeper, or will push her away to desire him no further. In his pursuit of her, he woo’s her by listening, by giving, by comforting, by speaking, and by seeking. As time goes on, in the event that her heart begins to be softened by him, when he is ready to propose….since she has been wooed, has been softened, and totally engulfed in his love, he gets down on one knee, and her answer is, “Absolutely, Yes!!!”

I don’t know if you see where I’m going with this, or how it pertains to the gospel, but let me try and bring it full circle. God, being rich in love, sets out to pursue those whom HE CHOOSES (just like the man). In His pursuit of us, he begins to woo us to Himself by His own beautiful, gracious, loving hand (John 6:37,44,45). In the midst of His wooing us, He does so through His word (Rom.1:16), where we have the opportunity to see ALL of His glory on display, all of His attributes that are incomparable, all of His sovereignty, power and might, to the point that we become overwhelmed at this sovereign greatness! It is at this point that He brings us to a place where we actually hear the gospel (the proposal). And it is there, when our savior proposes the most glorious, unfair, beautiful, holy, perfect, unselfish, relentless, unchanging, constant, magnificent, powerful love of His by offering us eternal life through the death, burial and resurrection of His Son, Christ Jesus.

And it is because He has shown us (through His pursuit of us) His glorious, unrelenting, magnificent, powerful, unchanging love, that we cover our mouths, with tears in our eyes, knees buckling, hands shaking, lips quivering, goosebumps rising, heart racing, and can only respond with, “Absolutely, Yes!”

Those whom the Father draws to Himself, will come. His love, is irresistible.